Red Nose Day is a UK-wide fundraising event organised by Comic Relief every two years. On Red Nose Day everyone is encouraged to cast inhibitions aside, put on a Red Nose and fundraise – celebrities included!
It culminates in a night of cutting edge comedy and moving documentary films on BBC One. Red Nose Day unites the entire nation in trying to make a difference to the lives of thousands of people across Africa and the UK who are facing terrible injustice or living in desperate poverty.
This year we're donating to comic relief whilst telling our favourite jokes, but why not comment below with your favourite. We'll make an additional donation for each one posted.
Why did the barmaid Champagne?
Because the Stout Porter Bitter
Patient: "Doctor, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home".
Doctor: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome".
Patient: "Is it common?"
Doctor: "It's not unusual"
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays and next week's a little busy"
There are two types of people in the this world:
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Two flies are sitting on a turd.
One farts and the other exclaims, "Do you mind, I'm eating"
The M25 and the M6 are in the pub having a pint together and they are discussing who is the hardest, toughest motorway out of the two of them.
The discussion soon degenerates into an argument.
"Well, I am obviously the hardest", says the M6, "I have hundreds of thousands of cars on me everyday and I go on for miles and miles."
"That's nothing," replies the M25, "Everyday I have hundreds and thousands of cars parked on me everyday and I handle it like it was nothing."
Just as he said that, Red Tarmac walks into the pub.
The M6 runs off and hides under a table. The M25 looks on, a little confused.
Red Tarmac stands at the bar and orders himself a pint.
He swiftly drinks his pint and leaves.
Once he has left M6 comes out from under the table.
"What was all that about?" asks the M25, "I thought you were supposed to be a really hard motorway."
"I am" replies the M6, "But he's a cycle-path!"